Who is a passive aggressive person

Personality disorders. New York, N. Accessed May 25, Skodol A, et al. Approaches to the therapeutic relationship in patients with personality disorders. Accessed May 26, Hopwood CJ, et al. The construct validity of passive-aggressive personality disorder. A comparison of passive aggressive and negativistic personality disorders. Journal of Personality Assessment. Sadock BJ, et al. Philadelphia, Pa. Passive-aggressive behavior can be anything that avoids direct confrontation but still expresses a negative emotion, according to licensed marriage and family therapist Weena Cullins, LCMFT.

She notes that this, of course, sends mixed signals to the person on the receiving end of the aggression , which can be confusing, frustrating, and lead to emotional distrust. For example, say you've asked your partner or a roommate to take care of the dishes multiple times, and they don't outright say no—but they don't intend to do the dishes.

Sure, maybe they're just being lazy. But they could also be purposefully avoiding the dishes in a spiteful way, without telling you directly what's going on. Rather than owning the fact that they no longer wish to speak with you, a passive-aggressive person would rather let it all go unsaid—by never speaking to you again. Cullins adds that this can look like procrastinating, as well. The idea behind this is, if there's something a passive-aggressive person doesn't want to do, they will put it off until the last second rather than airing their grievances directly.

Silence can be very passive-aggressive in certain contexts. This can look like stonewalling in the middle of an argument, ignoring a question, or leaving a text on "read. Sometimes people will make up excuses for doing or not doing something rather than directly stating the frustrations they have.

Maybe they undermine your intelligence with phrases like "Do you know what I mean by that? This is a typical narcissist behavior as well. For example, if you invite your partner to a family gathering and they say, "Yeah, you know how much I love your family," in a sarcastic tone, that's passive-aggressive.

Rather than directly talking about their issues with your family, they're expressing their negative feelings by masking them under the guise of a joke. Think statements like, "I'm impressed you acted civilized all night," or "Wow, your outfit is actually really cute today.

Vaguely contemptuous comments of all kinds, aka anything that comes off disrespectful, can be passive-aggressive. Last but not least, Cullins notes body language can be passive-aggressive, too. Maybe they're pouting, crossing their arms , or rolling their eyes, instead of saying outright what's bothering them. Really, any behavior that expresses negative feelings without directly stating them is passive-aggressive, she adds.

Passive-aggressive people regularly exhibit resistance to requests or demands from family and other individuals often by procrastinating , expressing sullenness, or acting stubborn. Passive-aggressive behavior may manifest itself in a number of different ways. For example, a person might repeatedly make excuses to avoid certain people as a way of expressing their dislike or anger towards those individuals.

In cases where the passive-aggressive person is angry, they might repeatedly claim that they are not mad or that they are fine — even when they are apparently furious and not okay. Denying what they are feeling and refusing to be emotionally open , they are shutting down further communication and refusing to discuss the issue. Deliberately procrastinating is another characteristic of passive-aggressive behavior.

When confronted with tasks that they do not want to do or appointments they do not wish to keep, the passive-aggressive individual will drag their feet.

If they have been asked to complete a task at work, they will put it off until the very last second. They may even turn it in late in order to punish the person who assigned the task.

Passive-aggressive behaviors can have grave consequences to relationships between people in families, romances, and even in the workplace. So why is this often destructive behavior so common?

There are a few things that can contribute to the prevalence of passive-aggression. So what can you do when confronted by a friend, co-worker, or even a romantic partner who regularly engages in passive-aggression? The first step is to recognize the signs of such behavior. Sulking, backhanded compliments, procrastination, withdrawal, and refusal to communicate are all signs of passive-aggression. When the other person begins acting in such a way, try to keep your anger in check.

Instead, point out the other person's feelings in a way that is non-judgmental yet factual. If you are dealing with a child who is clearly upset about having to do chores: "You seem to be angry at me for asking you to clean your room. Wistful wishing.

You know what I wish? See what I did there? Annoying, right? Passive-aggressive people! Knock off that out-loud wishing. The objective, of course, is to get an idea out there, then immediately disown it — thus putting the burden of getting it done or not done on you. Passive-aggressors might not go that far, but you can see where they get their inspiration.

That deadline your colleague forgot to tell you about until it was just a day away? As with lateness, this is sometimes deliberate but usually not. Either way the point has been made — and yet not made too.